New Year, New Possibilities

Posted by Arlyn Lawrence in That's Life

Newyear

On the eve of the New Year, of course one’s minds races with all the possibilities of what direction the next twelve months could take. And, all the improvements (to self AND to others) that could possibly be made.

(However, I’ll just stick with trying to improve myself; I’ve learned I’m pretty much the only one I can do anything about anyway, so why waste my energy trying to change anyone else?)

I said in a Facebook post on New Year’s Eve a couple of years ago:

New Year’s Eve is like standing in front of an open field of deep, freshly fallen snow. Getting ready to step into it, I am both afraid of spoiling it and excited to play in it!

snow-field

This is exactly how I feel every New Year’s Eve.

I’ve given my blog a new name and new look for the new year.  I’m inspired to post a little more, I think. (Although never very predictably or sequentially, of course.) In fact, instead of “Life Happens” I suppose I could also have called it “Random Thoughts about (Hopefully) Encouraging and Interesting Things.” But that didn’t fit in the title space on my WordPress template. :-)

Anyway, Happy New Year to anyone who is reading this! Hope to see you back for more posts in 2013. We’ll see what comes up with as life happens …

~Arlyn

Thank God for September Roses

Posted by Arlyn Lawrence in Family, Gardening, That's Life, Uncategorized and tagged with , , , ,

Snapped in my garden 9-21-12

Seriously, where DID the summer go?

June and July were crazy with travel and speaking. The kids were barely out of school and Doug and I were off to England for two weeks, home for a week, to Orlando for a week, home for a week, then I was off to Virginia for a week for another speaking engagement and conference, and Doug and the boys went off on their camping/hiking “man-cation.”

I thought I’d planned things perfectly … aah, August would be for fun and family and playtime.  Until I found out I needed a (somewhat) emergency and definitely unplanned surgery that pretty much knocked me out of commission for a month!

Ever get the feeling God is trying to TELL you something?

I was so glad I’d invested the time I did in my garden in the spring. I spent a good part of August lying on the chaise lounge on my deck enjoying it. And was grateful.

So here’s a bit of a garden update, since I blogged about planting it in the spring in my post “Garden’s In.” I scrapped the “square foot gardening” idea (too finicky and hard to weed around) and ended up with a fairly conventional layout. It looked a little more lush earlier when the gladiolas were blooming and the beans were still producing, but here’s pretty much how it turned out (as of today):

Along with September roses, we also have September lettuce, September cucumbers, September tomatoes … you get the picture. Summer has a hard time getting going in the Pacific Northwest. That’s why I’m so glad for all the good things that keep happening in my garden in September.  Makes me feel like I didn’t miss a whole month of summer after all … :-)

AND SEPTEMBER APPLES!

These are right on schedule. Tart and crunchy. Num!

Does anyone know what kind these might be?

We have three trees LOADED with them!

Guest Post: Lord, Have Mercy

Posted by Arlyn Lawrence in Faith, Prayer, That's Life, Uncategorized and tagged with , ,

This week’s guest post is from my friend Cynthia Bezek. Cynthia lives in Colorado Springs, where wildfires have been raging furiously for the past couple of weeks. She writes about that here. Cynthia is the author of Prayer Begins with Relationship and Come Away with Me, both by NavPress. She has contributed to a number of books and has written hundreds of magazine articles. Cynthia was the senior editor when I was with Pray Magazine (NavPress) … (she hired me!) … and has been a great source of encouragement, inspiration, and mentoring to me over the years. One of Cynthia’s favorite things to do is to lead prayer retreats (they’re awesome; I’ve been on a couple). You may want to think about asking her to lead a retreat, teach, or speak for your church, prayer team, or other ministry. Check out her blog at http://cynthiaprayblog.wordpress.com/.

While fires raged in my beautiful city of Colorado Springs yesterday, I was at my late husband’s mother’s funeral in New York State. In the Orthodox tradition, the 90-minute service included many chanted prayers and Scripture readings. By far the most frequently sung words were, “Lord, have mercy.” They were chanted in hauntingly beautiful tones that resonated in my heart for the rest of the day and into the night.

Late last night I watched in disbelief as Internet media sources showed real-time scenes of familiar Colorado Springs neighborhoods—places where I had shared meals, laughter, tears, and friendship—burn in the inferno. It’s hard to be 2,000 miles away from friends when tragedy hits, so I called a friend who is in a (currently) safe neighborhood not far from mine. We prayed for many things—especially friends we love who had evacuated and were likely to lose their homes—but the prayer that repeated most in my heart and spirit was “Lord, have mercy.”

We did ask God for rain, for a shift in the winds, a lowering of the unseasonably high temperatures, stamina, courage, protection, and resources for fire fighters. We prayed spiritual protection. And we prayed for the faith of our friends who were in the direct path of the flames—asking God to strengthen the hearts and faith of these dear ones who are living such a nightmare.

But the prayer that made the most sense to me was, “Lord, have mercy.”  I encourage my own heart with the facts that God is merciful, He is good. He is loving. He is kind. He is strong. He is Lord. And so to His mercy I appeal—not for what I or my city deserves, not for what I think is the best way to “fix” this terrible situation—but for what He as a good and loving God gives. So I continue to sing that prayer in my heart to the Lord and wait on Him.

(As of this writing, the fires are still raging. Please pray for God to have mercy on Colorado Springs—for the sake of His name and the love of His people.)

Cynthia and me when she came for a visit to Gig Harbor last month. She wanted to see the ocean! They’re pretty land-locked down there in Colorado, poor things … :-)


 

 

Guest Post: Karis Kids – Caring for the Poor in Uganda

Posted by Arlyn Lawrence in Compassion, Faith, Family, Uncategorized and tagged with , , , ,

This week’s guest post is from my friend Pippa Peppiatt of Winchester, England. Pippa is the co-director of Karis Kids, a ministry that works with Ugandan families in the slums of Kampala, caring for orphaned and vulnerable children. Pippa is a retired nurse and her husband Tim is a doctor. They live in Winchester, UK with their four children, ages 8 to 19. Visit Karis Kids at www.kariskids.org.uk.

Most of us see photos of poverty in sub-Saharan Africa and think, Oh, how sad. But how many of us actually do something about it? I think most people want to do something. They just don’t know what or how!

I’ve been a Christian for most of my life, more than three decades, thinking I was going all right because I was trying to follow God in my personal walk with my own family, church, and community. Then, in a new way and at a new level, God began to speak to Tim and me about the passion He has, His heart, for the poor.

In my comfortable UK life, I hadn’t often rubbed shoulders or gotten personally involved with the lives of the poor who don’t know where their next meal is coming for. I had never met the lovely “carers” (family caregivers, not necessarily biological mums) who may have to sleep with a man because he’ll promise them one meal for their little family. I had never really thought about the hygiene issues these families face on daily basis, with no toilets and no running water.

Jesus encourages us to reach out to the poor, to care for widows and orphans. To me, that’s more than just a duty; it’s a compulsion. When you start putting personal faces on the staggering, heart-breaking statistics of poverty by getting personally involved with families who are among the most needy in the world, your heart is moved. You’re quickly inspired to put faith into action, in a very personal way. That’s what has happened to us–not only to Tim and me, but to our children as well.

Pippa and three of her own children with their Ugandan “family”

When Tim and I went over to Uganda in 2006 we realized that in all the relief efforts we saw taking place there, the local Ugandan Church was being totally bypassed. There was no one empowering local Ugandan churches to get involved in ministering to the very poorest of their own community . There were a lot of “white” independent missions going on (which was great) but the local Ugandan churches were, quite frankly, possibly getting a little lazy, thinking the “white man” had all the answers. We had a sense God was calling them–and us–to so much more.

So, in conjunction with the bishop of Kampala under the covering of the Church of Uganda, we established Karis Kids to support local Ugandan churches and connect them with Western families and churches who also had a heart to help.We link churches in the West with Ugandan churches that work with the poorest of the poor in Kampala,. We connect small groups, families, and mentor organizations/individuals to specific families in the slums. We  help them develop relationships to support and resource these families in an effort to see them grow and prosper.

Besides food and education, kids and their families receive water purification kits, mosquito nets, and double bunk beds. That because the slums are located on swamp land, where the mosquitoes are terrible. And when the swamps flood, it wipes out the family’s belongings and they lose everything. The simple provision of bunk beds means that all the kids can climb to the top bunk, have somewhere to sleep, and save their belongings.

It is such a privilege to be sharing God’s love in a practical way. God seems so real, so close, in the slums.  Somehow in it all, we feel we are really finding God in a way we’ve really never found Him before. We feel His heart and we get to share it.

Maybe that’s why Jesus said, “Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me” (Matthew 25:40).

A Jaunt in Jane Austen Country

Posted by Arlyn Lawrence in That's Life, Travel and tagged with ,

Peter and Caroline have lent us their car, so today we drove to Winchester to visit our friends Tim and Pippa. We’ve known them nearly eight years now and, although we’re separated by both an ocean and a continent–and only see each other about once at year (if we’re lucky)–they are among our dearest friends. We always seem to pick up right where we left off.

We all traipsed into into town from their house, dodging raindrops, and Tim suggested we go into the Winchester Cathedral to `’have a pray`’ and get out of the rain.  A choir of school children was singing as we entered,  their lovely voices ringing through the centuries-old cathedral. We found ourselves a side chapel in which to sit and pray for one another—specifically for our kids, as we often do when we’re together. It’s such a poignant feeling to be praying in a place believers have looked for and experienced God for centuries, and so easy to feel connected to history here.

Speaking of history, this place is full of it. Jane Austen (who wrote Pride and Predjudice and is my favorite author) was buried below the cathedral. She lived most of her life in Hampshire, and died right here in Winchester. Her gravestone is set in the floor and reads:

In memory of Jane Austen, youngest daughter of the late Rev. George Austen, formerly Rector of Steventon in this county, who departed this life on the 18th of July, 1817, aged 41, after a long illness, supported by the patience and the hopes of a Christian. The benevolence of her heart, the sweetness of her temperament, the extraordinary endowments of her mind obtained the regard of all who knew her and the warmest love of her intimate connections.

Their grief is in proportion to their affections. They know their loss to be irreparable but in their deepest affliction they are comforted by a firm though humble hope that her charity, devotion, faith and purity have rendered her soul acceptable in the sight of her Redeemer.

(On past visits to Hampshire I’ve dragged Doug around to every Jane Austen memorial in the county. He’s such a good sport.)


On our way out the door we stopped and asked a posh-looking older gentleman to take our picture together. We lined up and as he raised the camera to snap the photo, he quipped in his upper crust British accent, “Think about sex!” Of course it was the last thing we expected to hear from him so we all nearly died laughing, which is why you see us all cracking up like a bunch of teenagers  :-)

I Woke up in Woking

Posted by Arlyn Lawrence in Faith, Prayer, Spirit, Travel and tagged with , ,

Back in the UK and so happy to be here!

 

We arrived at 6:30 a.m. to a bit of a soggy, muggy day. I grabbed a quick nap and then went on a run into town to meet a couple of friends for coffee.  Was I really in Gig Harbor only yesterday?

 

Lots of construction going on in the town square in Woking these days. It’s looking beautiful and oh-so-modern … then right around the corner I run into a street of row shops that looks like a scene from a Dickens novel. I love that about England.

 

Running past lovely manor homes and laurel hedges, holly with morning glory pouring out of it, a house called “Pooh Corner” (all the houses have names here)… past the football (soccer) field and the neighborhood pub (can’t wait for fish and chips and STICKY TOFFEE PUDDING) … have I mentioned how much I love England?

 

This is my sixth trip to the U.K., so it’s kind of becoming a home away from home, of sorts.  We absolutely love it here: the people, the sights. The culture and history. The heart and spirit.

 

It’s hard to say if that’s just coincidence and personal affinity, or because we both have roots here.  Doug’s grandfather was born in Devon, my great-grandparents in Hampshire and Scotland. I find it kind of a surreal (but very nice feeling) to go back to where our “people” came from.

 

That’s why I love it that God would bring Doug and me around full circle, back to the area our own grandparents and great-grandparents left almost a hundred years ago. Not just to vacation, but to serve. Not just to teach, but to learn.  Not just to work, but to enjoy authentic friendships and Kingdom community.

 

We’re really looking forward to being part of the Prayer-Saturated Life conference at ChristChurch Woking next weekend, June 29-30 in Woking, Surrey.  UK friends, if you’re around and available, please join us!

 

It’s going to be a full ten days. I’ll post some pics and blog entries and share some of our experiences, observations, and reflections.  Glad to share the journey and keep you posted! :-)

 

 

 

 

Guest Post: What’s on Your Label?

Posted by Arlyn Lawrence in Uncategorized

This Saturday’s guest post is from my good friend Jane Duea. Jane is an energetic and insightful life coach who is helping women define what is most important to them, build a mission around their core values, and create steps of action to see their mission through.  One of the things I like best about Jane is that she “calls it as she sees it.”  We all need people like that in our life.  :-)

Jane and her husband Dave live in Gig Harbor, WA, and have two teenage children, a golden retriever named Chelsea, and a whole lot of fun! You can find Jane on her website at www. Jane@lifetothe10th.com.

What attracts you to the food you buy? Looks, taste … or nutrition?

You’d think for must of us, it would be the latter.  But no. According to a new study, most American consumers don’t pay as much attention to food product nutrition labels as they claim.

Researchers asked 203 people to look at nutrition labels for different grocery products displayed on a computer screen, and asked them to report HOW THROROUGHLY they read those labels.

Guess what. They lied. While 31 percent said they looked at the calorie count, only 9 percent actually did.  And while 30 percent said they looked at fat, trans-fat, and sugar content, only 1 percent actually did! (The study appears in the November issue of the Journal of the American Dietetic Association.)

Do you know what that means?  It means we aren’t looking at the things that really matter.

The more I learn about healthy eating, the more I am looking at labels. What I’m looking for are natural ingredients that will best fuel my body (Heads up: those ingredients are usually easy to recognize, understand, and spell J). From those pure ingredients should come energy and health—bottom line…good stuff.

The other day I took this a step further: as I was in line at the grocery store, reading the labels on the items in my cart, I thought to myself, “If I had an ingredient label on my back, what would it say? Would the list consist of things that are nourishing—life giving to myself and others? Would I be proud of my label?”

Character qualities are kind of like the ingredients in a person, don’t you think? I mean, I want to be genuine, for example (like genuine crab versus imitation crab). I can certainly pretend certain attributes, but there is NO comparison between authentic and fake. And don’t we all want to be the real deal?

So what might be the ingredients on our label?

Kind or selfish?

Authentic or superficial?

Joyful or grumpy?

Patient or irritable?

_______ or __________?

(You fill in the blanks.)

I’m not saying “perfection” is the mark—we all have moments! But in general, what are we made of?

Who we are at our core—the substance of our person and character—is going to either bring life and fulfillment to us (and the people around us), or it is going to drain us and pull us down, as well as others. The great thing is that we get to choose our ingredients.

Paying attention to the “labels”—on our food and on our character—can mean all the difference in the world in helping us to have (physically) healthy lives, (emotionally) healthy relationships, and a (socially) healthy impact on our community.

The choice is not always easy, but we can do it. The choice is ours and no one else’s, no matter what our life circumstances may be. We can be intentional about how our labels read. Choosing well definitely equals hard work. The kind of characteristics we likely hope for take a determination to acquire. Yet again, it is our choice, and that is a gift.

What’s on your label today? :-)

 

Travel Advisory

Posted by Arlyn Lawrence in Organization, Productivity, That's Life, Travel, Work and tagged with ,

Okay, this trip I am NOT going to forget anything.

The last THREE trips I’ve taken I have forgotten something significant and had to turn around and go home to get it.  That was especially a pain last week when I was HALF WAY TO CANADA and realized I’d forgotten my alien card. And I can’t get back into the U.S.A. without it.

(Yes, I’m an alien. Don’t get distracted. Stay with me here.)

So I had to turn around, come home, spend the night (I was too tired to drive another four hours after that), and start all over again the next morning.

That will be a little difficult if I’m half way to England next week and realize I’ve forgotten something!

So here’s my plan and I’m told by reliable sources that it’s a good one and should work. Barring operator error. :-)

My (Hopefully) Helpful Travel Checklist

-       PRAYER.  “ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you” (James 1:5). Always the best place to start. I definitely need wisdom.

-       LIST.  You’d think this would be a no-brainer, as much as I travel, but not necessarily. Make it several days in advance so I have time to think about all the things I might need. Double check it and cross things off as I put them into my suitcase. Save list on computer for next trip.

-       TRAVEL DOCS. Make sure I have my passport, alien card (never leave the planet without it–or the country, anyway), and driver’s license. Also a copy of my travel itinerary and flight confirmation numbers. Check in online the night before.

-       CARDS.  My debit card, and the credit card that DOESN’T charge foreign exchange fees (Banks can be tricky; gotta watch ‘em). Also my Oyster Card (for the “tube”) if I’m going to the U.K. because I always seem to come home with a credit balance left on it, so I may as well use it up…

-       PHOTOCOPIES of passport and credit/debit cards. Bring one set with me and leave one at home, in case my passport and/or cards get lost or stolen. With my track record this is always a distinct possibility.

-      ELECTRONICS. I definitely can’t forget my computer; I always work on the plane. And I usually have speaking notes and slides on it when it’s a work trip. Don’t forget power cord. Also bring Ipod, charger, headphones, and camera.

-       BOOKS AND CONFERENCE MATERIALS. I always have these when I’m on a work or ministry trip. Pack them a few days in advance, NOT the night before. Weigh extra boxes to make sure they’re under the allowed weight.

-       BUCKY. This is my soft neck pillow that helps me be so comfy on planes that I can sleep sitting up.

-       “NO JET LAG” PILLS. I buy these at the Super Supplement store in Tacoma. Homeopathic remedy for jet lag. I used these in combination with a thyroid support supplement last time I went to the U.K. and seriously, NO JET LAG!

-       PACK A COUPLE OF DAYS IN ADVANCE, not the night before (except last minute toiletries). Weigh suitcase now, NOT morning of.

Weirdly, about a month ago and a half ago I had a dream that it was the morning of my departure to England and I was frantically trying to throw things into my suitcase. I hadn’t made a list, hadn’t planned ahead, and here it was the morning of the trip and I was late for the airport and I realized, horrified …

… that my passport (which I’d sent in for renewal a couple of months earlier) hadn’t arrived!

But of course, that was just a dream, right? (Although the part about having submitted my passport for renewal was true.)

Oddly enough, I do leave in six days, have had TWO crises with Passport Canada in the renewal process, and my passport STILL hasn’t arrived. It’s supposedly en route from Quebec as we speak.

Please tell me that wasn’t a prophetic dream.

That’s why I’m making a list. Checking it twice. And praying for smooth travels …

 

Guest Post: Country Girl Meets City Life

Posted by Arlyn Lawrence in That's Life and tagged with , , , , ,

This week’s Saturday guest post is from my friend and neighbor Rachel Cole Harter. Rachel  lives with her husband on a beautiful hobby farm in Gig Harbor, WA. They commute to their jobs in the city but are always happy to return home to their little bit of country paradise.  

Don’t let my heels, blonde highlights, and bright red lipstick fool you. No matter what I am wearing on the outside, my roots—my inner self—will forever be country.

Take last Tuesday morning, for example. I had an 8:oo a.m. meeting with a client and I was determined, traffic included, to arrive twenty minutes early.  With that end in mind, I was up at 5:30 a.m. to get the chores completed prior to leaving for work.  Granted, the hobby farm my husband and I call home in Gig Harbor, Washington is only a milli-fraction of the farm I was raised on in Montana. That being said, I swear there are more chores to be completed!

Montana—God’s country.  Home.  Under its big blue sky is where I grew up on our family’s wheat and barley farm and learned some of life’s greatest lessons. I learned the value of community—in family and friends. I learned you aren’t finished with harvest, irrigating, and/or branding cattle until your neighbors are finished, too. I learned you aren’t judged by the car you drive or the jeans you do/do not wear—instead you are judged by whether or not you are a good person, and a hard worker. I learned you are as good as your word and your hand shake.

So, Montana girl transplanted to Washington—I was up and at ‘em on this particular morning. The chores were completed on schedule. I was primped up, sassy, and ready for the day. Dressed in a black business suit/skirt with red patent heels, I had my coffee mug in hand and was getting into my car when I noticed the gift of a dead bird and partially alive mouse from our cat’s early morning hunt. So … I exchanged my red patent heels for my muddy bogs, grabbed a shovel to put the mouse out of its misery, and headed out to put the critters to rest in our neighbor’s field (easy access).

In that moment, I spotted two coyotes, so I ran back to the house to grab the .22. I set up and had a good shot but missed, leaving two coyotes smarter and wiser. Now running late, I hopped back into my car and quickly drove to my meeting.

Arriving with five minutes to spare, I got out of my car and started walking to the door only to realize … I was one classy chick! Envision this: suit, skirt, tights, red lips—and clunky, muddy work boots up to my knees with no spare heels in the car.

You would think this would make for a great excuse to buy a new pair of shoes, but think again. The only place open before 8 a.m. within a five mile radius was Wal-Mart. So, White Stag pleather shoes and a great story is what I had to present to my client once I finally arrived, twenty minutes late instead of twenty minutes early.

Now looking back, I wish I had “owned” this opportunity. I wish I had worn the muddy work boots to the meeting. This could have been a defining moment of a true country girl meeting business/city life, a chance to let my light shine bright, illuminating the virtues of good, old-fashioned country living. After all, where I grew up, country living is the “norm:”
•    It is normal to wave at people as you drive and walk down the street.
•    It is normal to care about politics and to discuss them openly.
•    It is normal to hunt for food.
•    It is normal to legally drive big grain trucks to the elevator at the age of thirteen.
•    It is normal to be proud to be an American.
•    It is normal to do good deeds for your neighbors and those in need.
•     It is normal to socialize at the grocery store.
•    It is normal to stand attentively, with your hand over your heart, during the national anthem.
•    It is normal to leave your keys in the car and your house unlocked.
•    It is normal to respect your elders.
•    It is normal to have pride in being a good person.
•    It is normal to be put in your place, when you have stepped out of line.
•    It is normal to work hard.
•    It is normal to honor and respect law enforcement and the military—for their selfless and courageous devotion.
•    It is normal to live the truth and to do what is right.
•    It is normal to believe in God and the power of FAITH.

It wasn’t until moving to Washington ten years ago that I realized everything I had ever known really wasn’t the “norm.” It was during this time that my country heart and roots met Seattle’s city life. What a contrast!

That season was an empowering and defining time in my life. Everything that made me “me” was amplified. And it left me with a mission: to try and shine a “country” light into the heart of city life whenever possible.

To this day, I continue to try to do just that … from starting up conversations with strangers in grocery stores (sometimes getting looks of “stranger danger”) to helping control the coyote population (one coyote at a time, from right outside our back door).

Yes, I wished I’d owned the moment and shown up to my meeting in farm boots and taken the opportunity to bring a little country levity and culture into that “city” part of my life. I will forever be proud to be country and forever honored to have been raised with the solid morals and ethics I was.

I am country and country is me! Boots and all. :-)

Relationship Status: Married and Dating

Posted by Arlyn Lawrence in Family, Marriage, That's Life and tagged with , , ,

The night before last I babysat my brand-new granddaughter for the first time. What a treat. A whole evening to snuggle her, all to myself.

Just last week my daughter rolled her eyes at me and said, “Mom, why are you so into her?”

Oh please. (People warned me it would be love at first sight, but you really don’t know till you experience it just how hard and how quickly a grandchild can grab your heart.)

But I digress.

Speaking of heart-grabbing, though, the REASON I got to babysit Willa was that Heather and Jacob were going out on their FIRST DATE. Well, obviously, not their FIRST first date.  What I mean is, their first date post-baby (three weeks).  I joked with them on their way out the door, “You’re probably going to sit across the table from each other and wonder what you talked about before you had a baby.”

I was so glad they did that, though. Hats off to them. I’m glad they’ve picked up on the important truth that DATING YOUR SPOUSE IS SO IMPORTANT, whether your kids are newborns, teenagers, or adults.

Where do we find time?  We MAKE time. My life is as crazy as yours is. Really, most people’s lives are, aren’t they? A whirlwind of work, appointments, kids and their activities, household chores and responsibilities—not to mention church and community volunteering, time with friends and extended family,  and more!

But come on, folks, there are NO EXCUSES.

Romance (and all intimacy, really) starts with simply connecting relationally. It’s something that needs to be cultivated and nurtured. It won’t just happen (or stay hot) on its own. You’ve got to work at it.

I totally agree with what I recently read from relationship expert Michelle Weiner-Davis, who cites kids as being a major reason for romantic disconnect in a marriage. “As a culture, we have become very child-focused and parents feel like they need to spend all their free time with their kids,” she explains, “but parents should spend time with one another for their kids. If they don’t spend time with one another, they’re not bonding or building [on their] friendship.”

Michelle says that, as a practicing marriage counselor, she is often able to cut to the root of the problem in the couples she counsels by asking one simple question: “When was the last time you went on a date?”

Now, let me point out that a “date” is not going to your kids’ soccer game together, attending church together, doing your yard work at the same time, or lying in bed watching TV. A date is doing something you both enjoy together, without any distractions, that allows you the opportunity to reconnect with each other and re-affirm what drew you together in the first place.

Doug and I are coming up on our 29th wedding anniversary this summer. When I tell people that (for example, it came up at the doctor’s office just yesterday), I always get comments. “Wow, you don’t hear that much these days.” Or “Good for you; that’s amazing.”

I don’t know that it’s so amazing; I wish it were the status quo! But while Doug and I certainly haven’t done everything right along the way, there is one thing we’ve prioritized that I think has been a consistent source of relational “glue” in our relationship. (I call it glue because it helps us stick together. :-) )

We have always made time to get out by ourselves, even when our five kids were small and we were struggling to make ends meet on a single income. They may have been cheap dates during some of those years, but we figured out how to make it work. And at least once a year, we’ve gone away together, just the two of us. We leaned on Grandma and Grandpa. We traded babysitting with friends. And when the older kids were old enough to watch the younger kids, we left them alone and prayed they wouldn’t kill each other. (Just kidding.)

Do you need creative ideas?  Go get an ice cream cone and go for a walk on the waterfront (we can do that in our town). Dinner and a movie (you should definitely include the dinner part because if it’s just a movie you won’t talk). A hike. A ball game. A concert. A museum or art gallery. A car race or sports event.  You know yourselves and what you like (and what each other likes).

Doug and me at a baseball game last weekend

The activity is not as important as the time spent together alone, applying a little relational glue.  It will help you maintain your identity as a couple, not two individuals living in the same house and rushing madly through life at the same time, with the same scenery, but never connecting in a meaningful way.

I think our families, our communities, and the next generation as a whole would be a whole lot better off if more of us paid attention to our coupleness.  I can’t fix the world, but I can work on me, and so can you.

So, when’s the last time YOU dated YOUR spouse?  If it’s been a while, will you schedule it into your calendar and make it happen? And if you and your spouse are regular daters, please share your best ideas with the rest of us.

What’s your favorite date with your spouse?